Don't Feed the Animals

June 16, 2010, 6:26 pm
Filed under: Gage

Gage made an appearance in the Seattle Times yesterday. The above photo is as close as he could come to “looking sad” about the fact that this particular wading pool will remain closed this year.

Look at his sprinting form, people. I’m telling you, he was roughly two blocks away by the time the photographer clicked his shutter and said “That’ll work.”

Never one to be content with climbing around on, say, ACTUAL PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT, this kid has been zipping from one end to the other of various parks since roughly age 16 months. Naturally, I’ve never managed to catch this on camera, as I’ve been busy chasing him while shouting and waving my arms for, oh, THE PAST FOUR YEARS. Now I have evidence.

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Lock up your women and children
June 12, 2010, 1:10 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

The Lego Robot of Doom is coming for you. True, he doesn’t have legs, which may prove inconvenient—but perhaps he is planning to fly.

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Wanted: Sunshine, Unicorns
June 9, 2010, 5:09 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A few things:

It’s June here. It’s probably June where you are, too. But our June is turning out to mostly resemble February. It’s so dark with rain that we’re still turning our lights on in the mornings—and not because we prefer blinding light, either, but in order to avoid running into the furniture as we make our way around the house. Now, I don’t mind so-called “June Gloom”—it means I don’t have to water the lawn and garden—but June Typhoon I could live without.

Scott and I had an argument this morning concerning whether or not Samson (“Sampson”? We can’t agree on the spelling, either) (from the Bible) wore his hair in a ponytail. Scott claims to have seen “real pictures”—i.e. artistic renderings from the period—showing Samson’s hair flowing around him. Which, give me a break, they bathed like twice a year in Biblical times. I’m thinking his everyday look was totally a ponytail. Because honestly, do you think he would have wanted his stringy, greasy hair in his face all the time? Who’s with me?

We had that argument after going back and forth for a while on whether or not “Samson” (without the “p” , and therefore, he claims, entirely unrelated to the doomed Biblical figure) is a good baby name. Let’s put it this way: NO.

At the moment, Gage is really  (and by “really,” I mean “obsessively”) into a project called “making workbooks.” Guess who planted the seeds of this project in his mind? Hint: Name starts with “S”.  Guess what the results have been? A kid who wants—no, demands—no, demands (!!!) (wah, wah, wah) (!!!)—that I draw, by hand, an 80-page “workbook” to his exact specifications, but without his help, every day after school. And what do you suppose happens after I painstakingly hand-draw several worksheets? Gage sweeps them aside, claims we should “save them for tomorrow,” and that I should create yet more worksheets. And what do you suppose my reaction is?

There have been a lot of tears in our house between the hours of 4:00 and 6:00PM for the past several days, is what I’m saying.

I bought a giant (and I mean GIANT) basil plant at Trader’s Joe’s for an unbelievable $2.99. I was thinking we were set on basil from now until eternity—and patting myself on the back for getting such a good deal—but no sooner did I stick that plant in the ground than all its leaves rotted and fell off.

I also planted some basil from seed. The seedlings were doing great—GREAT, I tell you—until a troop of ants discovered them and ate them down to the ground. Looks like the tomatoes are going to be lonely this year.

Last year, keeping up with the lawn and garden nearly killed me (I water by hand), so this year I broke down and hired a landscaper to “mow and weed” twice month, which I figure is less expensive than the average summer-long stay at a psychiatric facility. The landscaper quoted me such a low rate for the mowing and weeding that I immediately suspected that we did not mean the same thing by “weeding,” which turned out to be true. However, I have “mow and weed” in writing, and therefore, much as I dislike having unpleasant conversations, I went ahead and had one with the landscaper. And now the yard looks great. All the time.

I still have to mow the lawn myself every other week in the summer, and yeah, I’ve pulled a few weeds, but I feel completely different about this work when I know that I COULD let things go and not have to deal with the consequences myself. The relief is not just that I don’t have to mow the lawn more than every other week, it’s that I know that even if I don’t mow the lawn AT ALL, the resulting suffering is limited. There will be an end to it, and I won’t have to be the one to end it.

Scott turned 35
June 2, 2010, 5:34 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

There was cake.

There were flowers.

This is what he wanted to do for his “party.”

Key ingredients: Lawn chair, phone, book, and socks-with-crocs.

Gage happily went along with the Solemn-Reading-In-the-Yard theme.

Don’t the neighbor’s roses look pretty?

Later, we went out to dinner.

Perfect lazy day.

Happy birthday, Scott! We love you!

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